what not to do

Valentine’s Day: Disaster Stories

Valentine’s day is a holiday that everyone and their mother has a strong opinion on. Some people absolutely love the flowers, chocolate and romance. While others despise the commercial rip off and the unrealistic expectations of partners. I’ve always thought the sweet gestures and romantic stories were really great reminders for lovebirds. I think everyone could lighten up a bit and enjoy the day for what it is — a showcase of love.

In the spirit of the great St. Valentine’s Day, I have found some good ‘Valentine’s Day gone wrong’ stories on the web to share with you all. I hope you get a chuckle out of these like I did! 

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This can’t be happening.

Ex Hits the Spot — After secretly dating two guys (Dan and Joe) for a few months, I told Joe I didn’t want a relationship, so that I could get serious with Dan. On Valentine’s Day, Dan took me out to dinner, and I almost choked on my drink when our waiter arrived. It was Joe! To make matters worse, Dan ordered a dish with béchamel sauce, which he loved. He gushed to the waiter, a.k.a. my ex, “If she could cook like this I’d marry her.” I wanted to die.

Oh no he di'int.

Oh no he di’int.

Good Morning —Valentine’s Day, I called my boyfriend at college to see if he got my flowers and another woman answered the phone — at 8 am.

Awkward...

Awkward…

It’s not in the cards — In my group of friends, there was a guy I really liked, and we’d become pretty good buddies. Valentine’s Day was coming up, and neither of us was dating anyone. I was so excited when he knocked on my door holding an adorable, homemade Valentine card. He even glued macaroni noodles onto it, like kids do in grade school. He showed it to me, and I was about to say thank you and give him a hug when he said, ‘Do you think Kate will like it?’ Kate was a mutual friend of ours whom he had a crush on. I somehow kept my composure until he left, at which point I wallowed in my worst Valentine’s Day ever.

This is mortifying.

Well this is mortifying.

My bloody Valentine — I took a girl out on Valentine’s Day after we’d been dating for a few weeks. The date went really well and, when we came home, we started kissing on her porch. She pulled away because she said she felt something on her face. When I opened my eyes, I saw that she had blood running down her cheeks. I’ve always had a problem with bloody noses, and I’d gotten one when we were kissing! She acted like it was no big deal, but I never heard from her again, and I guess I don’t entirely blame her.

If you want to be my Facebook friend

Let’s consider this a code of conduct, shall we?

Poke me & die.

Poke me & die.

— Don’t ever poke me. Just don’t. 

Mom, you're embrassing yourself!

Mom, you’re embrassing yourself!

—  Mom, please don’t ever try to add me on Facebook. Like ever. 

OMG. HAYLOR.

OMG. HAYLOR.

— Please do not write a one page rant — as your status. (Newsflash: blog)

He bugs me so much.

He bugs me so much.

— If you want to be the most annoying human being on earth, then go ahead. INVITE ME TO STUPID EVENTS EVERYDAY!

EVERYBODY HATES YOU AND NOT BECAUSE YOU'RE "IN LOVE".

EVERYBODY HATES YOU AND NOT BECAUSE YOU’RE “IN LOVE”.

— The entire world will hate you for the gross mushy gushy sh*t you write on your boyfriend/girlfriend’s wall,not just me. 

Lookin' at you MOMS.

Lookin’ at you MOMS.

— If you are over 40, you are not allowed to “like” everything I post. This is why you’re not suppose to have Facebook.

Judge me all you want, I CAN'T STAND MARIAH CAREY.

Judge me all you want, I CAN’T STAND MARIAH CAREY.

— Do not argue with me over MY personal opinion on MY Facebook status (You always lose because it’s not your life).

Seriously -- I want to know who invented this awful game.

Seriously — I want to know who invented this awful game.

— FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, DO NOT ASK ME TO PLAY FARMVILLE!

Yikes.

Yikes…

— Do not like a photo of me from 6 years ago and rehash all of my insecurities.

Yeah...someone might find this a tad bit offensive.

Yeah…someone might find this a tad bit offensive.

— Try your very best not to be offensive (This one is tough but you must try).

There you have it. If you comply with all of the above, we can totes be Facebook friends 🙂